ADHD Wars: Episode II - Atack of the Impulsivity

When I told ChowderDad about the diagnosis and how I had read that impulsiveness is a strong characteristic. I asked if he thought I was impulsive and after I resuscitated him, he was able to choke out that I was incredibly impulsive.

Really? I just think of myself as kind of...well...spontaneous! Joyful! Fun! Free-spirited with a side of anger and twist of temper.

So I go look at a description of impulsivity as relates to ADHD:

• frequently interrupt others or talk over them
• have poor self-control
• blurt out thoughts that are rude or inappropriate without thinking
• have addictive tendencies
• act recklessly or spontaneously without regard for consequences
• have trouble behaving in socially appropriate ways (such as sitting still during a long meeting)

And I think. Oh dear.

The blurting things out is a big problem - I spend a lot of time wondering why I just said something. Even if it isn't rude. Maybe oversharing personal details (like a week or two ago, I blurted out I HAVE ADHD to two friends during a PTA committee meeting - neither the time nor place) or something I think about a person (nice shoes!). It just comes out while I'm simultaneously thinking "don't say that!" in my head

There was an incident many years ago where a good friend asked me specifically not to mention a specific person in front of her new boyfriend. And I did a very very good job of it. For a while. And then before I knew it, it came out of my mouth. I was horrified. If you're reading, S, I have been carrying that one around for a good 16 years now. I'm really sorry.

And I don't really think that acting recklessly without regard for consequences has to be negative. I do stuff all the time that is harmless but has annoying repercussions that aren't always well thought out. Like the day when I had the need to paint the front door purple. So I went and bought paint and started painting it purple. I got one coat done. Three years later, it hasn't received a second coat.

I also bought a pattern and a bag of fabric for matching daughter-American Girl doll outfits. Two years ago. It would have been cute too. I also have a quilt top made for ChowderBoy's baby quilt. And a quilt top made for when my friend Derrick turned 30. He's over 40 now. Also, he got married and I was going to send him it for his wedding which we attended with ChowderGirl toddling around 7 years ago.

I am also quite sure that I have many times annoyed CubicleGirl by calling her while she is working so she can be my very own Google and tell me how to get somewhere because I decided while I was out that I should find a place that has lobster traps so I can make a table. But without an iPhone, I have to have a substitute search. It's no big deal, it's not like she has a real job or is in Hong Kong or anything.

And the thing is, it isn't BAD. It's just part of who I am. Some of it is regrettable. Like not finishing the quilt. Or blurting out things I was asked not to say. But then, there's stuff that makes me who I am and is very positive.

I blurt things out. But I'm a pretty positive person and I see the good in people. So it comes in the form of sometimes just randomly saying "OMG! That haircut is adorable!" or texting my second cousin to tell her that I think of her whenever I hear Hootie and the Blowfish.

Sometimes, I do impulsive things that delight people. Like telling Jonathan Richman that I was mad at him for not playing "New England" and then telling him that Natick sucks (it does). Or saying to Al Bean "OH MY GOD. YOU WALKED ON THE MOON!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? THAT IS CRAZY!!!!"

And while it may not be the most well thought out plan, I daresay that wearing a toga to a few parties this summer delighted and amused a large group of people.

And...while it may not be the safest thing in the world, I have enjoyed jumping off cliffs, quarry walls, and bridges. And jumping INTO many a fountain. And it's been FUN.

You'll notice I didn't touch the conversation about addictive personalities. That's because I have to go play Bejeweled.