Day 1 - Adderall

So this morning I recorded my thoughts as the Adderall kicked in. I've now added to it a bit just to make it more coherant.

11:30
I just sat through an entire meeting. I could see IMs on my screen and didn't need to answer them. I stayed on topic the whole meeting. In addition, when my boss strayed off topic mid-stream, I was only slightly annoyed but managed to stay focused on the rest of the discussion.

11:32
I sent two emails, one AFTER the other, not finishing both at the same time - I wrote one and hit send. Then I hit another and hit send and it only took me a minute to write them and I didn't go do something else in the middle. Not only that, but it didn't occur to me to do something else in the middle. So I didn't even have to WORK at not doing something else in the middle.

11:34
I just remembered something I meant to do yesterday and I did it.

12:24
I consciously decided to take a break from the Power Point I was working on. I chatted with my friend Jane and now I am writing this. I am going to finish the Power Point now.

12:51
Sneezy loud guy next door just shouted and I went right back to what I was doing instead of looking at my phone or changing the radio or looking at skirts for M for Back to School.

1:45
I finish running all the numbers from this morning's meeting and add them to the Power Point. 2 hours 15 minutes. Typically, it would have taken all afternoon with all the distractions. I am going to go for a walk and get some water.

2:45
Had lunch, talked to husband, sent three more emails, called my boss back when he called and wasn't bitchy.

3:09
I am working on a document. I see an email come in that I need to read. I open it, look at it, read it, and go back to my document. (This is actually miraculous - I usually either avoid emails entirely or I read it and lose an hour.)

3:19
Finish the document. It's intended to replace my presence at a meeting I can't attend. It occurs to me that I could *maybe* squeeze it in if I shuffle things around and if I don't hit traffic. Then I realize. I don't need to attend the meeting. And I hit send. My typical reaction would be to try and squeeze it in or feel bad that I couldn't do it.

4:23
I notice that I've been clicking around a lot more now. Bored with the task at hand (assembling school data for districts in Houston). But not problematic.

5:14
I want to go home now please.

5:39
My drive home was largely uneventful and didn't involve any anguish.

8:49 PM
I made dinner for the family and then made a second dinner for David. I cleaned the breakfast nook table. I cleaned up after dinner. I was not angry or short or snappish.

And I really wasn't going to post this tonight. I know a lot of people don't believe in meds or don't believe in ADHD. And that's totally fine. But for me, for the first time I can recall, today I got a taste of what a lot of people live like. And I didn't realize for all these years that it didn't have to be so hard. That other people actually went to the bathroom without losing 20 minutes to thinking about going upstairs or outside or coming back to the office and what was that over there...

Other people can listen to a meeting without sitting on their hands trying to avoid the inevitable distraction. A message can pop up and it doesn't destroy 2 hours of their lives. They can go to Walgreens expecting to go in and get water and a snack and do just that - without losing 30 minutes or without spending the entire time walking there and back thinking WATER SNACK WATER SNACK WATER SNACK and fighting 2000 urges to look at shiny things.

I remember a friend of mine from college didn't know he needed glasses for about 5 years. His eyes just adjusted to the blurry vision and he just compensated. He came back from Christmas break once wearing glasses and said that it was miraculous. The world had nuance and detail and corners.

That's how I feel right now. I heard music on my way home - not the gestalt of the music. But instruments! Single instruments! It was insane! I heard people talking and it sounded totally different. Everything is clear and clean and crisp.

I hear this is a honeymoon phase and that it will likely change. But man, in the meantime, I want to re-listen to every song I ever loved and rediscover the nuances.