Accessing Teh Interwebs

The best part about my work life, aside from the glorious commute, is that although I work in almost a strictly digital world, I have about 75% up time for actually connecting to the digital world. I think if we did a review of my time, 20-30% of it would be spend click-refreshing to try and hit a server.

I have a 50-50 shot at accessing the server in the office next to me, where we store all of our materials. I have a decent chance of getting my email but only because I rely on my Crapberry to get it. I have about a 75% chance of hitting the Drop Box. And have to refresh 4 or 5 times to get to any web page.

The good news is that once I get a connection to a single page, I can keep it for hours. So that comes in handy for things like listening to southern radio stations and Univision.

It does not come in handy for things like connecting to a Webinar about hyperlocal marketing software. Because THAT would actually help me do my job better.

Work - World Cup Balance

I used to think the hardest balance to find was work-family. But it turns out, it's actually all about the world cup. Last month, I met two people who take the entire month and work at home so they can watch. And that doesn't count anyone I know who works for ESPN.

If I'd known, I would have tried to do the same (who am I kidding, I can barely get permission to work at home once a month, nevermind that I do 3 times as much work there). Anyway.

I missed this morning's PK extravaganza because I was doing an employee review. The stupid thing is, she's totally into the WC too. I could have easily just said "Let's meet quickly, keep our eyes on the match, and watch if we need to watch."

And now I am waiting for a 3PM call. Luckily, it should be exactly a half hour. So I'll be able to watch at least one of my favorite boys. For some of the match. Like now, on my other monitor...

GO PORTUGAL!!!!

Morning Match: Wherein Godzilla Fights One of The Guays.

At the half, it occurs to me that I really have no opinion here. This is rare. I try and have an opinion about everything from what cars other people should drive to how to make the best popcorn.

And yet, I cannot muster any energy for this match. Perhaps I am saving all my emotion for this afternoon? I could flip a coin and generate more excitement for myself but really, maybe I could finish reading the Social Media Bible or I could paint my toenails and root for one foot to dry first.

Or someone could give me a reason to root for Japan or Paraguay. Any recommendations with solid reasoning behind it?

Brazil and Smoothies

So the Robek's next door has all these crazy Mardi Gras signs up and beads out and jazz silhouettes and such. My friend Jane suggested I might get free smoothies for showing them my breasts but it seems like that's more of a JANE execution than a ME one. I did, however, ask if the protein boost could be rum (see below).

I finally asked the cashier what was up with this Mardi Gras in June. He looked horrified and he said "It's supposed to be a promotion for our new smoothies."

Naturally, I had to ask about the Hurricane smoothie. He once again looked horrified as he explained to me that it wasn't Mardi Gras, it was supposed to be Brazilian Carnival.

I started laughing and he said "It gets worse. I'm Brazilian."

Poor guy. So we started talking about Kaka and the World Cup and how incredibly funny it is that his corporate HQ thought Mardi Gras has the same decorations as Carnaval.

I wrote an email to their HQ asking why on earth they would have signs up promoting Mardi Gras and expecting me to connect that to their Acai smoothie. The guy rightfully pointed out that most Americans don't know about Brazil.

I guess they figured, why not make a total mess of it?

GO BRAZIL! VIVO HURRICANES! VIVO BOURBON STREET!

Netherlands - Slovwhatever

I don't know why I can't keep the Slovs separate in my head. One is in, one is out. I should woman up and just commit to figuring it out. But I think I assume The Netherlands is going to win bigtime so I can't put effort against figuring it out.

This match, however, does reinforce my daughter's statement that I would watch paint drying and root for one to dry faster if there was some coverage of it. Or nationality. Or even just if it happened.

Because I have absolutely no real opinion on The Netherlands. I mean, I had these super excellent treats at the end of the Heineken tour. And they do have that whole space cake thing going for them. And I had this honey cake thing in The Hague. So that was nice. But other than that. No real opinion. And I can't even make one up.

But I think I will root against Slovwhatever because they didn't have the sense to pick a less confusing name.

Germany - England

So we've had au pairs for the past 5 years and our current one is leaving next week. She's also German and I have had the pleasure of being able to watch some of the Germany matches with her. I'm not even sure why I like it that much since she sits there very stoically and watches all nervous like until she feels like it will all work out. But having someone sitting there who can correct my pronunciation of the German team members is handy. Plus, she's pretty great.

Yesterday was outstanding for the family though. I made us a poor attempt at German apple pancakes, sausage, orange juice, and bloody marys. Even the kids watched for a while but eventually we had to send them out of the room so we could actively watch.

I never thought I would say this but I kind of felt bad for England. That discounted goal really took the wind out of their sails. Though, I feel a need to point out that when that happened to the US, TWICE, we just sucked it up and pushed on. It wasn't over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? NO! But they just gave up.

I hate to admit it too but I have a love/hate with the thorough destruction of effort when the leading team pulls their best players. I mean, part of me was pretty angry at England. You don't just GIVE UP EVEN MORE! But then, it kind of made me laugh.

Sorry to my English friends. I'm sorry you felt on Sunday the way I felt on Saturday. :( But you can't just mentally walk away if your goal doesn't count. You have to act like Teddy Roosevelt! Ernest Hemingway! Grab control and fight back, buckeroos!

But no. They say "Oh well, off to the pub for us." And I, for one, cannot argue with that position.

USA

Well, that was really fun. I most sincerely hope that what this did, even though we lost, was to get more Americans involved in a truly great game. It was exciting, engaging, and a great run. AND, it isn't over! Just because the US lost, there's more soccer to watch. And we can even watch if our team is out.

I am fascinated with the role ESPN is playing in this. My next door neighbor works for their secondary sports division and I am really enjoying watching their updates and their way of growing their US and global community.

I'll be interested to see what they do now that the US is out - I am hopeful that they will take this chance to keep on and give Americans the reasons to keep paying attention. It is enjoyable, a great fixed end way to spend an afternoon, and a beautiful beautiful sport.

Korea - Uruguay

Saturday morning I went to get my toenails done (thanks Brownie troop!) and had a mini-massage while they dried. While that was happening, all of a sudden there was a loud commotion and much shouting in Korean (I guessed). After I brushed the rubdown off, I asked them what I missed.

"Korea scored a goal! We are very happy and very sorry to disturb you."

Oh you didn't disturb me at all. Why don't you have the match on?

"Well, the tv doesn't have cable. We sent someone across the street to watch and call."

*ring*

"Oh. I see. Well. Okay."

So she turns to me and says "Uruguay scored and it will be over. Go home and watch and enjoy."

I wish I had my laptop with me so I could have stayed and watched with them. Even though it would have ended badly, I like sharing things with random strangers.

World Cup Action

The other day, I worked at home and was watching the USA match when I had to take an emergency conference call. It happened immediately after I had a big temper tantrum about the recalled goal, complete with shouting and screaming and superfluous drama.

I went upstairs and watched on mute while listening to the emergency conference call.

This call consisted of an initial 45 minutes of talking about potential problems that we might have someday but cannot control at all right now. We talked about all the potential responses we might have to the imaginary and potential problem. Then we talked about the problem again.

Then we talked about other problems that might happen and what we might do about those.

Then we spent 450,000 minutes talking about whether slide 3 should really be slide 4 or not.

In the meantime, I was IMing with my husband who was also on a conference call, discussing the importance of recipes in banner advertising.

Also in the meantime, roughly 65 minutes of soccer was played. And there was a halftime. And I had a sore throat from muffling my screaming. I also had beaten my pillow to a pulp. But as any good corporate stooge will tell you, you cannot scream at the TV when you are supposed to be on the phone, talking about whether we should go after that low hanging fruit or maximize our ROI.

So the goal was scored. And much like my TV, I was mute.

Luckily, tears aren't loud.

VIVA MEXICO - Part Dos

Sorry to see South Africa go but fine by me that the French fell apart. Quel groupe d'idiots.

As for this afternoon, I've yet to make any decisions but I like Argentina and the boy likes Greece so let's root for them to move on.

VIVA MEXICO!!!

I have a whole host of reasons for choosing Mexico today.

1) My sister-in-law, niece and two nephews are Mexican/Mexican American.
2) Sister-in-law works at Univision.
3) From a sheer fan and anthem vantage, I have to give it to Mexico.
4) Their fans today are freaking NUTS. And I say that as the highest compliment available.
5) Tequila.
6) I have to go back to the whole cannibal thing. I've never heard a single story in which a Mexican ate another human.

Back to the match. VIVA MEXICO!!!

Portugal - N. Korea

Now that was just insane.

Argentina

Waking up to see the Argentinian players on my television screen was like something out of a Cinemax special. HIGUAIN HIGUAIN HIGUAIN. I mean. He should be illegal this early in the morning.

I really don't understand why more American women don't get into soccer. I mean, look at the Yankees. No, please. LOOK AT THEM. You've got a couple of very handsome men and then the overall appearance plummets. And they get those bubble butts.

And South Korea? It's like a field full of Daniel Day Kims.

As for the match itself, I've GOT to find a way to listen on my horrifyingly long commute. Any tips?

Blame it on the vuvuzela.

The utter collapse of excitement and the Swiss victory can only be explained by the effing vuvuzela problem. We can't help the situation in South Africa but a creative German hacker has come up with a way to avoid the problem in your own home: http://lifehacker.com/5564085/how-to-silence-vuvuzela-horns-with-an-eq-filter

In other news, I knew the Swiss would win. My friend Carin is Swiss and I like her.

My favorite thing to happen so far in the World Cup was actually on NPR. Apparently, last week, one of the announcers said that British fans were very excited by the match against the US. She got a smack down from her English boss who came on air yesterday to read her a pointed email he sent about her error. He then proceeded to lecture her about St. George, the U.K., Britain, Northern Ireland, and pubs in Scotland aggressively rooting against England.

I almost fell in love with him but then remembered he is the enemy.

Ivory Coast Vs. Portugal

Now this is a tough contest for me to predict but Drogba's been cleared to play and I understand that is exciting for everyone involved. However, it is largely meaningless to me. What is important here is that the flag for the Ivory Coast is very close to the Irish flag. They have that going for them in a big way.

On the other hand, I have been assumed to be Portuguese heritage more than once in my life. In fact, next to being mistaken for Italian, it is my favorite mistake. And, growing up near New Bedford, I might sometimes think I am actually Portuguese.

And then, then there is Deco. In addition to him being incredibly painfully hot, he has a great name.

Speaking of incredibly hot. (Cristiano) Ronaldo. He should be illegal.

Wait. Game is starting. Who was Ronaldo playing again?

Update on the German Situation

I think we can all agree that the reason for the clobbering today was as follows:

1) Aussie uniforms modeled after the Foster's can.
2) Australian poor choice in footwear. They were wearing Crocs, that much is clear.
3) I think the German government promised them a BMW for each goal scored.
4) Also, there was some as-yet-unclear-to-me thing with some hitting of a ball into the net and some dominant style playing.

In other news, it's time for a bloody mary.

Germany Vs. Australia

Here's my analysis of the match:

We've now had 3 German au pairs in our home and not a single Australian.
Oktoberfest
Close enough for travel.
Volkswagen and kindergarten - what more could you want?
Australians are convicts.

Also, Germany is a clear winner if you go strictly by beer. Australian beer is for losers.

And then there's this:

Slovenia

I have developed a sudden and irrational hatred for Slovenia. I cannot explain it. But I find them repulsive and disorderly. Austria should conquer them and fix it all up. Or maybe us. Maybe we can just go in and take over immediately.

Better yet, they could become "South Estonia" which I think is a splendid idea. It would provide Estonians with a place to put Russians as well as a handy vacation spot.

I'm not clear why our local Irish club wasn't packed yesterday. It was a great match and I am sure that USA tied because of the pizza delivery guy. He came in twice and in each case, USA did something outstanding. It is only my failure to call him back for some third delivery that prevented a USA victory. I will not fail on the 18th.

In the meantime, we're having a VIVA MEXICO birthday party today.

Uruguay Vs. France

Well, I have to agree. A total tie. Here's the score as I see it:

Uruguay is a country of beautiful people who eat each other. France is a beautiful country full of people who I wish would eat each other.

On the other hand, France gave us French Canadians who gave us POUTINE. Then again, they also gave us GD French Canadians.

I have to try and figure out their impacts, positive and negative, on the world at large. I think back to all the lovely Uruguayan wine I've consumed, all the influence they've had on the art world, and cheese. And it makes me smile and like them even though they completely #failed WWII. Oh wait. Wrong way.

In any case, it's all irrelevant for the moment since they're tied in their own heads anyway.

Ole Ole Ole Ole!!!!

At the request of one of my nearest and dearest, I've decided to blog my *ahem* unique perspective on the World Cup.

First things first. I am not interested in discussing, thinking about, or hearing commentary about how the United States doesn't care about soccer enough. We don't. We. Do. Not. Pay. Attention. To. Soccer. Or football if you want to call it that. Get over it. That we don't care is NOT news. If we beat England, maybe 1/100th of a percent of Americans will pay attention.

We don't care about soccer to start with and if you don't give us a reason to watch, we're just going to go back to baseball. World Cup soccer is expecting Americans to follow the World Cup simply because it is a great sport?

That's crazy talk. There are not a lot of goals. Which means it feels long if you don't get the game. And there's all those foreign names. Who can follow a guy named Odemwingie or Ribery? And nevermind the rules- most of our experience with games comes from standing in a field in the rain watching a "we don't keep score" group of 5 year olds running in circles, we don't get the game.

So we're back where we started. The problem is, we need to win and then we need to win against a big old foe. England hasn't done anything to us in a really long time. How angry can we be with them? Honduras? Ivory Coast? I think we'd all feel bad kicking their ass.

If FIFA wants us to pay attention (and let's face it, they don't), they should get the Queen to call us a bunch of shiftless lazy jackasses.

Backyard Shenanigans

We hosted a keg party in the backyard this weekend. It was absolutely fantastic for me to see old friends and act like a 20 year old for one night and one night only. That's the good news. The bad news is that apparently, when you are 40 and party like a rock star and have the cops show up and stay awake til 3, the next day you might not be terribly useful.

Bloody marys at the Irish club to the rescue. My favorite thing about the Irish Club is that we pay some stupidly small amount of money every year to subsidize liquor. Total cost for 2 bloodies, a shirley temple, and a milk = $3.

Granted, the bloodies are terrible and are basically just vodka and V8. But every bit helps when you're stupid enough to pretend to be 20.