Until I was in 3rd grade (1), my best friends were the result of proximity and parentage. Which is to say that the location of my house combined with my Mom's friendships were the primary reasons I was friends with people. And I was so lucky that proximity came in the form of my doppelganger Liz. As for parentage, my mom was BFFs with a woman named Maria whose daughter Elena was my age, with a brilliant older daughter named Claudia and a handsome, Dorito hoarding son named Sergio.
Liz and I met before I can remember meeting anyone. She is one of my first memories, specifically of our matching nightgowns and spying on our younger siblings. She and I saw Donny and Marie together when we were 6 or 7. She is the reason I love hyacinths. She lived across the street from me and we were together as much as we could be. And then we weren't. I suspect it was just an age/grade thing but it was sad anyway. (2)
I also don't recall a time without Elena. Or her amazing mom. I am the oldest sibling in my family and she was the youngest of hers, with these dramatic and passionate older siblings who dominated our play and loved us like crazy. Sergio used to hide bags of Doritos in their basement. Elena's mom played guitar and spoke to the kids in Spanish with enough English mingled in that I could almost always follow the gist. They moved back to Columbia when I was in 3rd grade and while I was sad, my mother was more than sad, she was devastated at the loss. Maria died many years ago and my mother still gets tears in her eyes when she talks about them. (3)
And then there was Shelley. I don't remember being BFFs with her until 4th grade though she was at earlier birthday parties. I think it was 4th grade when she suddenly seemed like the best person I'd ever known in my life. I simply felt like she understood me. She thought all the same things were funny. And until recently, I wasn't sure why I adored her so much.
But I adored her. I loved her house, all clean and modern, with bright windows and big rooms and straight floors. And her parents were so kind to me. And they had better snacks and better dinners and better bathrooms (I think kids feel this way, right? Everything else is better?)
As I understand it, she came back to public school when I was at a different school and had already thoroughly detached from my hometown in favor of The Cape and my Cape friends, having formally decided that no one in the entire town of Framingham was reasonable or interesting.
I never had hard feelings until I met her again last year. I met her on Facebook and felt ripped off. I felt like it was so profoundly unfair that she went to private school and that we weren't friends in high school. At the same time, I am finding so much joy in seeing her again. Well, seeing her on Facebook anyway... Hopefully, I'll make it to actually seeing her in real life again someday.
She is so much like me. I mean, her interests, her kids, her sense of humor. I find myself fascinated by a nearly 30 year gap that seems to be irrelevant.
And now there's ChowderGirl, finding new best friends, losing old ones, and discovering how cool it is to meet someone who loves history or engineering or drama. I hope she can find herself a Shelley since her Liz has come and gone and her Elena has moved away.
Footnotes:
1 - I originally wrote this on my iPhone in the middle of the night allowing for all auto corrects. It is a bizarre little story that way, involving whores and dirty martinis.
2 - Liz and I reconnected on (where else) Facebook a while back and got to see each other a year ago. It was kind of surreal but wonderful to see her - and it felt as comfortable as it always did.
3 - My mother and I lost touch with Maria's kids for many many years. About 8 years ago, I found Elena. She and her siblings were back in the U.S. and not all that hard to find, thanks to the Internet. Mom and I are FB friends with Claudia and she looks so much like her mom it is crazy. It is a wonderful thing to see.
